P.C.A. at it again

Pretty Crazy Animal 2 (Is at it again)

We have now gone from 3 shower girls, down to 2. Still pretty much the same amount of ressies to shower.
Arrive at work at 5.40am, put gear into locker, log into tx, sign the sign in book, and get the shower list out. Oh Lovely, I am working with Pretty Eccentric Terrorizing Raving Assistant. The 61 year old that chucks temper tantrums. Wonder if she is going to be a team player today.

First on the list is Mrs H, she is in a new room now that Mr H has passed away. That is good, as everything smells fresh, doesn’t have that wee wee smell like her old room. “Good morning, Mrs H, how are you this morning”. Lovely aroma in her room today, not hard to guess what that smell is. “Are you ready for your shower Mrs H?, You are?, Ok lets go”. Assist Mrs H out of her bed, assist her into the bathroom, trying not to breathe through my nose too much. Take her pad off, it is full of urine and, of course, poo poo. “Ok, Mrs H, I think we will go straight to the shower, no! don’t sit down just yet, I want to wash your backside, Ok, Mrs H sit down, I will wash your bottom later.” Yuck, that poo poo smell is getting stronger, I am positive I put that dirty pad into a plastic bag. Oh looky, “what is that brown stuff under your shower chair Mrs H, um yes, I think your bowels have opened.” Have you finished, Ok then, can you stand up for me please, I need to wash your bottom”. That done, dry her and apply plenty of deodorant and powder, help her into her clothes and shoes and sit her into her lounge chair. Go back and hang up her towels and start cleaning the bathroom floor, all the while, trying not to breathe. “I will be back to take you to breakfast for Mrs H.” Race outside and start gasping for fresh air.

Next is Mrs lovely pommie lady, who suffers from asthma. “Good morning Mrs Pommie, how are you this morning.” She is very sick cuz she tells me I am her favourite girl. Assist her into the shower, she is great to shower, but she is always running out of breathe cuz all we do is laugh all the time, so I can’t rush her. She is a real sweetie. Help dry her and assist her into her clothes and then make her bed. “you better have a rest before breaky, Mrs pommie, you have used up all your energy laughing.”. Which only makes her laugh more. Wish we had another 50 ressies like her.

Race over to ‘Mrs I like to be showered at 6.30am’, it’s only 6.50am. Deep breath, knock on her door and walk in. “Good Morning, Mrs 6.30am, yes I can tell the time, I was with another ressie, yes, you are important to me.” (she was one of my favourites, but now all she does is whinge) Wash her back and legs, while listening to her whingeing. Help her to get dry and assist her into her clothes and shoes. “Are you ok now Mrs 6.30am, yes, I will make your bed for you and hang your towels out for you.” “See you at breakfast.”

Next is Mr Bill. “Good morning, young William, how are you today” Help Mr Bill to sit up, noticing that he is very wet. “ok Mr Bill definitely a shower for you today, whats that, you don’t need the toilet, I guessed that, cuz your pad and bed is extremely wet.” Help him into the shower, assist him with his shower while prompting him to wash his face. That done, now the fun part, I now have to give him a shave. “Ok Mr Bill, try not to move or laugh while I shave you.” I use to avoid shaving the men but it doesn’t bother me that much anymore, I am just scared of cutting them. That out of the way, dry him and help him get dressed. Send him on his way. “Thanks Mr Bill, whats that, you want a kiss good morning, I think the cook has one for you, go and see her, If not, ask the nurses. On your way Mr Bill, you don’t want to be late for breaky.”

Mrs Dementia’s time for a shower. She looks a mess, she had a bad fall the day before and has split her head open, grazed her leg and has bruises and small cuts everywhere. The one good thing about dementia is, if you have a fall you don’t really remember it, and you don’t know why you are sore. “Good morning Mrs D, how are you feeling today, you sure do have a great black eye. No, I don’t think it is make up. Time to hop up for your shower so we can get you ready for breaky. No, I am not having the shower, you are. Time to sit up please.” Heaps of prompting, she is finally sitting on the bed. “Hands up Mrs D, nighties coming off, yes you do need to be naked to have a shower, Mr D has already gone for breaky. Ok Walk with me, that’s it, keep walking, NO, we don’t need the clock, it can stay on the bench, ok sit on the shower chair, no I am not washing your hair.” “Wash your face please, no don’t take the patch off, that is covering your sore, yes you did have a fall, Ok, wash your arms, yes, you better wash under those floppy bits(boobs). Ok stand up for me please, no, you can’t eat my watch, why? cuz it’s not edible that’s why.” Try and dry her, while keeping her on track, assist her into her clothes, brush her hair. Help her into a wheelchair and take her to breakfast. Sit her at the table with Mr D, clothes protector on. “whoa Mrs D, you need some milk on your vita-brits first”, yes, they are a bit dry without milk. Enjoy your breaky Mrs D.

Rest of the showers are pretty easy, so time to check other team mate. As I guessed she is already making her coffee. I have my coffee and try and document at the same time. I definitely need this break cuz after this I have to shower PSYCHO CHICKEN.

Time to check on Psycho Chicken, “Are you ready for your shower yet, psycho chicken, yes I can help you to the toilet, No you don’t need the walk belt. Keep moving, You can walk, what do you think you are doing right now, Psycho Chicken, your legs do work, look you are standing by yourself, plus you were standing at the sink when I got here, so how did you get to the sink? That’s right! you walked, so you can do it. Keep going, I do have other work to do. Ok Are you sitting on the toilet properly, That’s good. Ok, I will be back in ten minutes to help with your shower, please be ready.” Leave her to do her business. Go and finish making all the beds that I didn’t get done before breakfast. 15 minutes gone. “I am back, psycho chicken, you ready for your shower. Your not, Come on if you haven’t pee’d by now, maybe you don’t need too. Please get ready for your shower.” She starts whingeing about the staff and ressies. “Sorry, psycho chicken, I am not going to listen to you complaining about the staff and the ressies, Of course you can talk, just not about the staff and the ressies. Keep washing yourself please.” 20 minutes later I finally get out of there, totally exhausted.

Gather all the dirty linen and take that out to the laundry bins. Oh Look, still have ½ hour to go. Suppose I better go and see what jobs the cook has lined up for me to do. Great, it’s cleaning windows.
Drag out the step ladder, move everything away from the ressies windows, up the ladder, clean one high window, pull the screen out, clean the two big windows, put screen in, up the ladder clean the other two high windows, put everything back in front of the ressies window. Do this four more times. Put the ladder away, tell the cook what work was done, walk into the staffroom and collapse. 61 year old temper tantrum thrower is sitting in front of the computer reading her emails, did not do any cleaning at all. Must be my turn to chuck a wobbly. I love my job.