It is amazing how much poo poo you can deal with in one shift at work. Saturday arvo shift started out like any other normal shift, except for one strange smell wafting at me from the lounge room. Didn't take my nose long to pick out which bum that was coming from.
Mrs I haven't a clue as to what is going on around me, had crapped herself. So I took her to her bathroom, stopped at the nurses station to get a supply of gloves bags, air freshener, anything I could get my hands on to help get rid of this mess. But Mrs Ihacatwisgoam in the shower, she had it everywhere, washed her bum, jeepers, you could lose an arm in there, her bum cheeks seem to go for ever. put her in her pjs as she was going to go for tea, saved us a job for later on. Threw all the dirty clothes in a bag for the laundry {lucky them} and sprayed air freshener in the room, that stuff never seems to kill the odour of old peoples poop.
That was done, helped red headed Tina do the med run at teatime, then it was time to take the ressies back to their rooms. One old lady is now on our "help to bed list" as she is getting confused. That was alright, walk into her room, {we will call her Mrs Grunter, cuz all she does is grunt all day} Mrs Grunter had a very strange aroma in her room and it was definitely not roses perfume either. Checked her bum and sure enough it had a brown covering on it, no undies on though, wonder where they are. Put Mrs Grunter into the shower, helped her into her nightie, clean undies and pad on and settled her into bed, then I had the job of finding her dirty pad and undies. You will never guess where I found them. If you guessed in the fridge, give yourself a pat on the back. And guess what, I then had the job of cleaning out her fridge. I LOVE MY JOB.
Been at work 2 hours, 2 pooey ressies, I am off to a good start, I wonder what is going to happen next.
The buzzer goes off, room 28, Mrs I want my shower at 6.30am sharp or Mrs whinger, needs something. I go up to her room, oh look what have we here sitting on the floor, no not the ressie, a brown blob. Mrs whinger missed her commode, lovely. "of course I can clean that up for you" I am sure you didn't mean to do that" DRY RETCHING, GAG. {don't breathe Joce} That done. Thankfully Mrs Whinger didn't need a shower.
Better go and check JO JO, another ressie who is losing the plot, have to change her pad and help her into her nightie and into bed. Her room always smells, cuz she hides her pads all the time. She remembers to change them but then she doesn't know what to do with them. She was clean but sitting on her kitchen bench was a lovely brown looking pad for me to collectf, only problem was I forgot my gloves and bags. Race back to the nurses station grab everything I need, walk into JO JO's room to discover her pad has gone for a walk. No good asking JO where she put it cuz she wouldn't understand what I have just asked. Here it is, tucked in with her clean undies. Take out on dirty pad and 3 pairs of now dirty undies. LOVE THIS JOB.
Thankfully that was all the poo poo I had to clean up, except wipe a few bums before the end of my shift, but before then I had to fill in how many ressie actually went to the loo for a poo. The charts should state how many poo on the floor or in her pants, not in the loo.
Until next time, Have your bowels opened today.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I am the Lord of Documenting
For the past fortnight we have had to document heavily on one of our ressies, to get them up to the next level of care. This is done because they need more care and also this is done so we get the funding from the government.
Our ressie to document on, was the one and only PYSCHO CHICKEN.
My supervisor could not have given me an easier ressie to write on, I could have written a book on her and her behaviours.
Where to start, her yelling at staff, urinating and the occassional bowel movement in a bucket [which is kept under her bed} because she doesn't want to walk into her bathroom. her interrupting conversations. her abusive language, her throwing herself on the bed tantrums. her coming into the nurses staton without knocking. her trying to run ressies over with her wheelchair, the list just goes on.
Anyway, I did my documenting every shift I work, like I was suppose to. Yesterday at a staff meeting, which I was not present at, Lorraine{supervisor} thanked everyone for the great documenting we had all done on PYSCHO CHICKEN. Then she went on to say that she had an outstanding exception report on PYSCHO CHICKEN. Which read something like this. Chicken came into the nurses station while staff were attending to another elder, staff asked Chicken to wait outside until staff could attend to her needs. Staff spent 1:1 time with Chicken. Chicken then went on her way very happy.
Lorraine said that was how she wants her exception reports done. Then she said it was written by JC. Jesus Christ. One of the staff said, Jocey{oh I wish they would get my name right} wrote that report. Lorrraines reply back was well God would have been pleased with this report.
When I got to work, I had all these comments on my computer like, OH Great One of Documenting. Queen of Reporting. I didn't have a clue what was going one until I went into the nurses station and got the hand over from the rn, who tole me what happened at the meeting. Then I got called into Lorraines office and she thanked me for the good reporting. I told her that PYSCHO CHICKEN had enough bad behaviours that it was easier to document on. I told Lorraine that I did have one problem with the documenting though. She asked what that was. I told her that the space that we had to do our documenting in was not big enough to write in. I had to condense it down to x amount of words.
I can't wait until the end of this month when another one the ressies comes on to be documented about. One " I don't believe in gossiping" Lady, who wants to know the ins and outs of everyone. She is driving me insane at the moment.
Until next time, bye from the Queen of Documenting.
Our ressie to document on, was the one and only PYSCHO CHICKEN.
My supervisor could not have given me an easier ressie to write on, I could have written a book on her and her behaviours.
Where to start, her yelling at staff, urinating and the occassional bowel movement in a bucket [which is kept under her bed} because she doesn't want to walk into her bathroom. her interrupting conversations. her abusive language, her throwing herself on the bed tantrums. her coming into the nurses staton without knocking. her trying to run ressies over with her wheelchair, the list just goes on.
Anyway, I did my documenting every shift I work, like I was suppose to. Yesterday at a staff meeting, which I was not present at, Lorraine{supervisor} thanked everyone for the great documenting we had all done on PYSCHO CHICKEN. Then she went on to say that she had an outstanding exception report on PYSCHO CHICKEN. Which read something like this. Chicken came into the nurses station while staff were attending to another elder, staff asked Chicken to wait outside until staff could attend to her needs. Staff spent 1:1 time with Chicken. Chicken then went on her way very happy.
Lorraine said that was how she wants her exception reports done. Then she said it was written by JC. Jesus Christ. One of the staff said, Jocey{oh I wish they would get my name right} wrote that report. Lorrraines reply back was well God would have been pleased with this report.
When I got to work, I had all these comments on my computer like, OH Great One of Documenting. Queen of Reporting. I didn't have a clue what was going one until I went into the nurses station and got the hand over from the rn, who tole me what happened at the meeting. Then I got called into Lorraines office and she thanked me for the good reporting. I told her that PYSCHO CHICKEN had enough bad behaviours that it was easier to document on. I told Lorraine that I did have one problem with the documenting though. She asked what that was. I told her that the space that we had to do our documenting in was not big enough to write in. I had to condense it down to x amount of words.
I can't wait until the end of this month when another one the ressies comes on to be documented about. One " I don't believe in gossiping" Lady, who wants to know the ins and outs of everyone. She is driving me insane at the moment.
Until next time, bye from the Queen of Documenting.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Crazy PCA {Nursing Shift}
Just for something different I will give a short run down on some of Resies different behaviours during a nursing shift.
Start work at 3.30pm, get the handover from the rn, nothing new has changed. Get the eyedrops out of the fridge, the resies whinge{I don't know why} if the eyedrops are too cold. Go for a walk around Nicklin and try and find the resies, administer eyedrops, ignoreing the little squeals as the freezing cold drops hit their eyes.
Next it is insulin time, George starts yelling as he walks in the room, I think he does it just to put me off. May is next, she just has to tell you that she has put on clean undies before she came in for her insulin. Something I needed to know. A long comes Bill {new resi} and his wife, they are both lovely, he doesn't say a word at all, they go and in comes Colin {a Bretheren} He has some weird views on being a christian, his wife is lovely though. Listen to his sermon, he doesn't like me to have a point of view or even to question his, I think he was related to my mother-in-law in an earlier life.
That all done, the other pca arrives, now we start rounding the animals{ I mean resies} up for tea. Walk past Ray, "Hello Jocie" says Ray. Go and get Hazel and on the way to the dining room we overtake Ray, "Hello Jocie' says Ray. You answer her each time, this is only the start for Ray.
Go and get Ellen, who politely tells you that she is being treated like a bloody criminal, I made the mistake of asking her in what way, so she told me look at the mess outside her room, so when I looked, couldn't see anything that had changed, I told her. So then I was called a useless bitch!!! My oh My, shes is a lovely mood. { I LOVE MY JOB, I LOVE MY JOB} Eventually get her to go to the dining room for tea, walkd past Rays table and you guessed it, "Hello Jocie" says Ray. Round up all the other resies and now start handing out tablets.
Go to pyscho chicken, who is only interested in you if your her shower girl, and get asked are you showering me in the morning, when you say no, she couldn't be bothered talking to you. Table 3 is full of lovely ladies so that table is quick to take their tablets. Next table, the first person we go to is Hazel and who sits next to Hazel, is Ray. 'Thank you Jocie for giving me my tablets." Thats ok Ray. "thank you Jocie for giving me my glass of water" Thats ok Ray. "Thank you Jocie for helping me" That is totally ok Ray.
Get the picture yet, I think Ray says thank you about 100 times a day to me - no other conversation, just THANK YOU.
Finish handing out the drugs, put trolleys away, now it is time to start taking the resies to their rooms. First one to take back is Hazel. "goodnight jocie" says ray. Nite ray. Next is Bill, who's lovely little girlfriend won't get out of your way and if you ask her to move she will tell you. :"make me' {if only I could}. Eventually get Bill to his room, locking his girlfriend out in the process, get Bill on the Toilet, get Bills bed ready, pjs out. Go and get Bill off the toilet, walk him back to his bed only to be told and Bill needs to pee. 'What do you think you were just sitting on Bill" I asked him. "Oh I didnt think I needed to go" he told me. Get Bill into bed eventually, go and round up his little girlfriend. next is Mary and by the smell of her room, her bowels are opened, she hasn't poo for about 4 days, obviously everything is working now. The other pca and I just looked at each other. Mary had poo on her recliner chair, on her floor, bed,bathroom doorway, all over the toilet and her slippers. { this is when you need oxygen masks} We put Mary in the shower, gave her toilet a shower as well, change her bed. Dressed Mary and put her into bed and then Mary looks at us and asked "who made the mess in my room, It could not have been me, I have never done anything like that." No Mary, it wasn't you, it was those naughty little poo pixies that come in from time to time. To which Mary replied, please shut my door and windows to keep them out tonight. Yes Mary Goodnight.
That was our major episode of putting ressies to bed. Next it was time to do the 8o'clock pill run. First room is Louise, she is lovely, just thanks us and then offers us bikkies, which we refuse{ gotta think of the waistline. HAHA} Next is { have you guess correctly} RAY. conversation goes something like this. Hello Jocie, hi Ray- heres your tablets Ray, Thanks Jocie, thats ok Ray. Thanks for giving me my tablets Jocie, thats ok Ray, Thanks for giving me my glass of water Jocie, Thats ok Ray, you have some nice pictures on your wall. Yes I do Jocie, Thank you for liking my pictures Jocie. Thats ok Ray, have you finished taking your tablets. Yes Jocie, thank you Jocie. Goodnight Ray. Goodnight Jocie and Thank you Jocie. thats ok Ray. and now we walk out of her room. { You got the picture yet} go to all the other ressies, last one is Ellen. put her into her nightie and settle her into bed, turn the tv on for her and walk out of her room.
Back to the nurses station for some documenting and a coffee. Alls quiet until I here this weird noise, I thought it was one of the ressies who was coming home from and outing, but I was totally wrong. Here in the middle of the verandah in a short nightie and granny knickers is the one and only Ellen, "what are you doing Ellen?" I asked. "Looking for my clothes, can't you see. you bloody stupid or something!" she said. " I must be, cause I can't see your clothes anywhere here, come on let's go back to your room." I am treated like a bloody criminal" Ellen said. { I know how she feels} Finally get her back to her room, this time she hopped into bed.
Time to go home, only to get a phone call, I had to be back at work at 7.30 in the morning. I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB.
Start work at 3.30pm, get the handover from the rn, nothing new has changed. Get the eyedrops out of the fridge, the resies whinge{I don't know why} if the eyedrops are too cold. Go for a walk around Nicklin and try and find the resies, administer eyedrops, ignoreing the little squeals as the freezing cold drops hit their eyes.
Next it is insulin time, George starts yelling as he walks in the room, I think he does it just to put me off. May is next, she just has to tell you that she has put on clean undies before she came in for her insulin. Something I needed to know. A long comes Bill {new resi} and his wife, they are both lovely, he doesn't say a word at all, they go and in comes Colin {a Bretheren} He has some weird views on being a christian, his wife is lovely though. Listen to his sermon, he doesn't like me to have a point of view or even to question his, I think he was related to my mother-in-law in an earlier life.
That all done, the other pca arrives, now we start rounding the animals{ I mean resies} up for tea. Walk past Ray, "Hello Jocie" says Ray. Go and get Hazel and on the way to the dining room we overtake Ray, "Hello Jocie' says Ray. You answer her each time, this is only the start for Ray.
Go and get Ellen, who politely tells you that she is being treated like a bloody criminal, I made the mistake of asking her in what way, so she told me look at the mess outside her room, so when I looked, couldn't see anything that had changed, I told her. So then I was called a useless bitch!!! My oh My, shes is a lovely mood. { I LOVE MY JOB, I LOVE MY JOB} Eventually get her to go to the dining room for tea, walkd past Rays table and you guessed it, "Hello Jocie" says Ray. Round up all the other resies and now start handing out tablets.
Go to pyscho chicken, who is only interested in you if your her shower girl, and get asked are you showering me in the morning, when you say no, she couldn't be bothered talking to you. Table 3 is full of lovely ladies so that table is quick to take their tablets. Next table, the first person we go to is Hazel and who sits next to Hazel, is Ray. 'Thank you Jocie for giving me my tablets." Thats ok Ray. "thank you Jocie for giving me my glass of water" Thats ok Ray. "Thank you Jocie for helping me" That is totally ok Ray.
Get the picture yet, I think Ray says thank you about 100 times a day to me - no other conversation, just THANK YOU.
Finish handing out the drugs, put trolleys away, now it is time to start taking the resies to their rooms. First one to take back is Hazel. "goodnight jocie" says ray. Nite ray. Next is Bill, who's lovely little girlfriend won't get out of your way and if you ask her to move she will tell you. :"make me' {if only I could}. Eventually get Bill to his room, locking his girlfriend out in the process, get Bill on the Toilet, get Bills bed ready, pjs out. Go and get Bill off the toilet, walk him back to his bed only to be told and Bill needs to pee. 'What do you think you were just sitting on Bill" I asked him. "Oh I didnt think I needed to go" he told me. Get Bill into bed eventually, go and round up his little girlfriend. next is Mary and by the smell of her room, her bowels are opened, she hasn't poo for about 4 days, obviously everything is working now. The other pca and I just looked at each other. Mary had poo on her recliner chair, on her floor, bed,bathroom doorway, all over the toilet and her slippers. { this is when you need oxygen masks} We put Mary in the shower, gave her toilet a shower as well, change her bed. Dressed Mary and put her into bed and then Mary looks at us and asked "who made the mess in my room, It could not have been me, I have never done anything like that." No Mary, it wasn't you, it was those naughty little poo pixies that come in from time to time. To which Mary replied, please shut my door and windows to keep them out tonight. Yes Mary Goodnight.
That was our major episode of putting ressies to bed. Next it was time to do the 8o'clock pill run. First room is Louise, she is lovely, just thanks us and then offers us bikkies, which we refuse{ gotta think of the waistline. HAHA} Next is { have you guess correctly} RAY. conversation goes something like this. Hello Jocie, hi Ray- heres your tablets Ray, Thanks Jocie, thats ok Ray. Thanks for giving me my tablets Jocie, thats ok Ray, Thanks for giving me my glass of water Jocie, Thats ok Ray, you have some nice pictures on your wall. Yes I do Jocie, Thank you for liking my pictures Jocie. Thats ok Ray, have you finished taking your tablets. Yes Jocie, thank you Jocie. Goodnight Ray. Goodnight Jocie and Thank you Jocie. thats ok Ray. and now we walk out of her room. { You got the picture yet} go to all the other ressies, last one is Ellen. put her into her nightie and settle her into bed, turn the tv on for her and walk out of her room.
Back to the nurses station for some documenting and a coffee. Alls quiet until I here this weird noise, I thought it was one of the ressies who was coming home from and outing, but I was totally wrong. Here in the middle of the verandah in a short nightie and granny knickers is the one and only Ellen, "what are you doing Ellen?" I asked. "Looking for my clothes, can't you see. you bloody stupid or something!" she said. " I must be, cause I can't see your clothes anywhere here, come on let's go back to your room." I am treated like a bloody criminal" Ellen said. { I know how she feels} Finally get her back to her room, this time she hopped into bed.
Time to go home, only to get a phone call, I had to be back at work at 7.30 in the morning. I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
P.C.A. at it again
Pretty Crazy Animal 2 (Is at it again)
We have now gone from 3 shower girls, down to 2. Still pretty much the same amount of ressies to shower.
Arrive at work at 5.40am, put gear into locker, log into tx, sign the sign in book, and get the shower list out. Oh Lovely, I am working with Pretty Eccentric Terrorizing Raving Assistant. The 61 year old that chucks temper tantrums. Wonder if she is going to be a team player today.
First on the list is Mrs H, she is in a new room now that Mr H has passed away. That is good, as everything smells fresh, doesn’t have that wee wee smell like her old room. “Good morning, Mrs H, how are you this morning”. Lovely aroma in her room today, not hard to guess what that smell is. “Are you ready for your shower Mrs H?, You are?, Ok lets go”. Assist Mrs H out of her bed, assist her into the bathroom, trying not to breathe through my nose too much. Take her pad off, it is full of urine and, of course, poo poo. “Ok, Mrs H, I think we will go straight to the shower, no! don’t sit down just yet, I want to wash your backside, Ok, Mrs H sit down, I will wash your bottom later.” Yuck, that poo poo smell is getting stronger, I am positive I put that dirty pad into a plastic bag. Oh looky, “what is that brown stuff under your shower chair Mrs H, um yes, I think your bowels have opened.” Have you finished, Ok then, can you stand up for me please, I need to wash your bottom”. That done, dry her and apply plenty of deodorant and powder, help her into her clothes and shoes and sit her into her lounge chair. Go back and hang up her towels and start cleaning the bathroom floor, all the while, trying not to breathe. “I will be back to take you to breakfast for Mrs H.” Race outside and start gasping for fresh air.
Next is Mrs lovely pommie lady, who suffers from asthma. “Good morning Mrs Pommie, how are you this morning.” She is very sick cuz she tells me I am her favourite girl. Assist her into the shower, she is great to shower, but she is always running out of breathe cuz all we do is laugh all the time, so I can’t rush her. She is a real sweetie. Help dry her and assist her into her clothes and then make her bed. “you better have a rest before breaky, Mrs pommie, you have used up all your energy laughing.”. Which only makes her laugh more. Wish we had another 50 ressies like her.
Race over to ‘Mrs I like to be showered at 6.30am’, it’s only 6.50am. Deep breath, knock on her door and walk in. “Good Morning, Mrs 6.30am, yes I can tell the time, I was with another ressie, yes, you are important to me.” (she was one of my favourites, but now all she does is whinge) Wash her back and legs, while listening to her whingeing. Help her to get dry and assist her into her clothes and shoes. “Are you ok now Mrs 6.30am, yes, I will make your bed for you and hang your towels out for you.” “See you at breakfast.”
Next is Mr Bill. “Good morning, young William, how are you today” Help Mr Bill to sit up, noticing that he is very wet. “ok Mr Bill definitely a shower for you today, whats that, you don’t need the toilet, I guessed that, cuz your pad and bed is extremely wet.” Help him into the shower, assist him with his shower while prompting him to wash his face. That done, now the fun part, I now have to give him a shave. “Ok Mr Bill, try not to move or laugh while I shave you.” I use to avoid shaving the men but it doesn’t bother me that much anymore, I am just scared of cutting them. That out of the way, dry him and help him get dressed. Send him on his way. “Thanks Mr Bill, whats that, you want a kiss good morning, I think the cook has one for you, go and see her, If not, ask the nurses. On your way Mr Bill, you don’t want to be late for breaky.”
Mrs Dementia’s time for a shower. She looks a mess, she had a bad fall the day before and has split her head open, grazed her leg and has bruises and small cuts everywhere. The one good thing about dementia is, if you have a fall you don’t really remember it, and you don’t know why you are sore. “Good morning Mrs D, how are you feeling today, you sure do have a great black eye. No, I don’t think it is make up. Time to hop up for your shower so we can get you ready for breaky. No, I am not having the shower, you are. Time to sit up please.” Heaps of prompting, she is finally sitting on the bed. “Hands up Mrs D, nighties coming off, yes you do need to be naked to have a shower, Mr D has already gone for breaky. Ok Walk with me, that’s it, keep walking, NO, we don’t need the clock, it can stay on the bench, ok sit on the shower chair, no I am not washing your hair.” “Wash your face please, no don’t take the patch off, that is covering your sore, yes you did have a fall, Ok, wash your arms, yes, you better wash under those floppy bits(boobs). Ok stand up for me please, no, you can’t eat my watch, why? cuz it’s not edible that’s why.” Try and dry her, while keeping her on track, assist her into her clothes, brush her hair. Help her into a wheelchair and take her to breakfast. Sit her at the table with Mr D, clothes protector on. “whoa Mrs D, you need some milk on your vita-brits first”, yes, they are a bit dry without milk. Enjoy your breaky Mrs D.
Rest of the showers are pretty easy, so time to check other team mate. As I guessed she is already making her coffee. I have my coffee and try and document at the same time. I definitely need this break cuz after this I have to shower PSYCHO CHICKEN.
Time to check on Psycho Chicken, “Are you ready for your shower yet, psycho chicken, yes I can help you to the toilet, No you don’t need the walk belt. Keep moving, You can walk, what do you think you are doing right now, Psycho Chicken, your legs do work, look you are standing by yourself, plus you were standing at the sink when I got here, so how did you get to the sink? That’s right! you walked, so you can do it. Keep going, I do have other work to do. Ok Are you sitting on the toilet properly, That’s good. Ok, I will be back in ten minutes to help with your shower, please be ready.” Leave her to do her business. Go and finish making all the beds that I didn’t get done before breakfast. 15 minutes gone. “I am back, psycho chicken, you ready for your shower. Your not, Come on if you haven’t pee’d by now, maybe you don’t need too. Please get ready for your shower.” She starts whingeing about the staff and ressies. “Sorry, psycho chicken, I am not going to listen to you complaining about the staff and the ressies, Of course you can talk, just not about the staff and the ressies. Keep washing yourself please.” 20 minutes later I finally get out of there, totally exhausted.
Gather all the dirty linen and take that out to the laundry bins. Oh Look, still have ½ hour to go. Suppose I better go and see what jobs the cook has lined up for me to do. Great, it’s cleaning windows.
Drag out the step ladder, move everything away from the ressies windows, up the ladder, clean one high window, pull the screen out, clean the two big windows, put screen in, up the ladder clean the other two high windows, put everything back in front of the ressies window. Do this four more times. Put the ladder away, tell the cook what work was done, walk into the staffroom and collapse. 61 year old temper tantrum thrower is sitting in front of the computer reading her emails, did not do any cleaning at all. Must be my turn to chuck a wobbly. I love my job.
We have now gone from 3 shower girls, down to 2. Still pretty much the same amount of ressies to shower.
Arrive at work at 5.40am, put gear into locker, log into tx, sign the sign in book, and get the shower list out. Oh Lovely, I am working with Pretty Eccentric Terrorizing Raving Assistant. The 61 year old that chucks temper tantrums. Wonder if she is going to be a team player today.
First on the list is Mrs H, she is in a new room now that Mr H has passed away. That is good, as everything smells fresh, doesn’t have that wee wee smell like her old room. “Good morning, Mrs H, how are you this morning”. Lovely aroma in her room today, not hard to guess what that smell is. “Are you ready for your shower Mrs H?, You are?, Ok lets go”. Assist Mrs H out of her bed, assist her into the bathroom, trying not to breathe through my nose too much. Take her pad off, it is full of urine and, of course, poo poo. “Ok, Mrs H, I think we will go straight to the shower, no! don’t sit down just yet, I want to wash your backside, Ok, Mrs H sit down, I will wash your bottom later.” Yuck, that poo poo smell is getting stronger, I am positive I put that dirty pad into a plastic bag. Oh looky, “what is that brown stuff under your shower chair Mrs H, um yes, I think your bowels have opened.” Have you finished, Ok then, can you stand up for me please, I need to wash your bottom”. That done, dry her and apply plenty of deodorant and powder, help her into her clothes and shoes and sit her into her lounge chair. Go back and hang up her towels and start cleaning the bathroom floor, all the while, trying not to breathe. “I will be back to take you to breakfast for Mrs H.” Race outside and start gasping for fresh air.
Next is Mrs lovely pommie lady, who suffers from asthma. “Good morning Mrs Pommie, how are you this morning.” She is very sick cuz she tells me I am her favourite girl. Assist her into the shower, she is great to shower, but she is always running out of breathe cuz all we do is laugh all the time, so I can’t rush her. She is a real sweetie. Help dry her and assist her into her clothes and then make her bed. “you better have a rest before breaky, Mrs pommie, you have used up all your energy laughing.”. Which only makes her laugh more. Wish we had another 50 ressies like her.
Race over to ‘Mrs I like to be showered at 6.30am’, it’s only 6.50am. Deep breath, knock on her door and walk in. “Good Morning, Mrs 6.30am, yes I can tell the time, I was with another ressie, yes, you are important to me.” (she was one of my favourites, but now all she does is whinge) Wash her back and legs, while listening to her whingeing. Help her to get dry and assist her into her clothes and shoes. “Are you ok now Mrs 6.30am, yes, I will make your bed for you and hang your towels out for you.” “See you at breakfast.”
Next is Mr Bill. “Good morning, young William, how are you today” Help Mr Bill to sit up, noticing that he is very wet. “ok Mr Bill definitely a shower for you today, whats that, you don’t need the toilet, I guessed that, cuz your pad and bed is extremely wet.” Help him into the shower, assist him with his shower while prompting him to wash his face. That done, now the fun part, I now have to give him a shave. “Ok Mr Bill, try not to move or laugh while I shave you.” I use to avoid shaving the men but it doesn’t bother me that much anymore, I am just scared of cutting them. That out of the way, dry him and help him get dressed. Send him on his way. “Thanks Mr Bill, whats that, you want a kiss good morning, I think the cook has one for you, go and see her, If not, ask the nurses. On your way Mr Bill, you don’t want to be late for breaky.”
Mrs Dementia’s time for a shower. She looks a mess, she had a bad fall the day before and has split her head open, grazed her leg and has bruises and small cuts everywhere. The one good thing about dementia is, if you have a fall you don’t really remember it, and you don’t know why you are sore. “Good morning Mrs D, how are you feeling today, you sure do have a great black eye. No, I don’t think it is make up. Time to hop up for your shower so we can get you ready for breaky. No, I am not having the shower, you are. Time to sit up please.” Heaps of prompting, she is finally sitting on the bed. “Hands up Mrs D, nighties coming off, yes you do need to be naked to have a shower, Mr D has already gone for breaky. Ok Walk with me, that’s it, keep walking, NO, we don’t need the clock, it can stay on the bench, ok sit on the shower chair, no I am not washing your hair.” “Wash your face please, no don’t take the patch off, that is covering your sore, yes you did have a fall, Ok, wash your arms, yes, you better wash under those floppy bits(boobs). Ok stand up for me please, no, you can’t eat my watch, why? cuz it’s not edible that’s why.” Try and dry her, while keeping her on track, assist her into her clothes, brush her hair. Help her into a wheelchair and take her to breakfast. Sit her at the table with Mr D, clothes protector on. “whoa Mrs D, you need some milk on your vita-brits first”, yes, they are a bit dry without milk. Enjoy your breaky Mrs D.
Rest of the showers are pretty easy, so time to check other team mate. As I guessed she is already making her coffee. I have my coffee and try and document at the same time. I definitely need this break cuz after this I have to shower PSYCHO CHICKEN.
Time to check on Psycho Chicken, “Are you ready for your shower yet, psycho chicken, yes I can help you to the toilet, No you don’t need the walk belt. Keep moving, You can walk, what do you think you are doing right now, Psycho Chicken, your legs do work, look you are standing by yourself, plus you were standing at the sink when I got here, so how did you get to the sink? That’s right! you walked, so you can do it. Keep going, I do have other work to do. Ok Are you sitting on the toilet properly, That’s good. Ok, I will be back in ten minutes to help with your shower, please be ready.” Leave her to do her business. Go and finish making all the beds that I didn’t get done before breakfast. 15 minutes gone. “I am back, psycho chicken, you ready for your shower. Your not, Come on if you haven’t pee’d by now, maybe you don’t need too. Please get ready for your shower.” She starts whingeing about the staff and ressies. “Sorry, psycho chicken, I am not going to listen to you complaining about the staff and the ressies, Of course you can talk, just not about the staff and the ressies. Keep washing yourself please.” 20 minutes later I finally get out of there, totally exhausted.
Gather all the dirty linen and take that out to the laundry bins. Oh Look, still have ½ hour to go. Suppose I better go and see what jobs the cook has lined up for me to do. Great, it’s cleaning windows.
Drag out the step ladder, move everything away from the ressies windows, up the ladder, clean one high window, pull the screen out, clean the two big windows, put screen in, up the ladder clean the other two high windows, put everything back in front of the ressies window. Do this four more times. Put the ladder away, tell the cook what work was done, walk into the staffroom and collapse. 61 year old temper tantrum thrower is sitting in front of the computer reading her emails, did not do any cleaning at all. Must be my turn to chuck a wobbly. I love my job.
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